jake casualties

Welcome to the procastination station.

This blog has absorbed many hours of my time over the years, and yet I still struggle writing a proper intro. I mean, how is it possible to give a fitting introduction that entices people to read on. I'll just try and give a few vitals, and hope that is enough I guess. That sound okay? Cool.

I am Sue, live in Fife, Scotland. 30 year old arty dyke. I fangirl over bands and obsess over fictional characters. I write about what happens in my life, and general pondering about what I think about the world
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Daily Update 5

Well work has been busy today.

I am only in work 3 days this week, as it’s my birthday on Saturday. I have never worked my birthday.

I have got sick of using the throw-away plastic cups for crap coffee. So I have bought these wee instant white coffee sachets, and brought my Starbucks travel mug. I didn’t want to bring an insulated mug, as I wanted to drink my coffee on my break, and the water that comes out the machine is boiling.

It’s been a quick day so far, so I hope the next few days continue in that way.

Daily Update 4

It’s Monday. My brother’s birthday.

I have always called him my wee brother.

But he has turned 34 today.

I always remember when we were younger, because our birthdays were just a few days apart, we would have a joint party. It would be some of my friends, some of his friends, and a dining table filled with picnic food. There would be games, and we would run outside in the field next to our house.

It is bizarre, because it feels so fresh in my mind, but these events happened over 20 years ago. Time is an odd thing.

Today, we went and visited my brother and the kids. Made sure he had a good day. But that’s about it. Everyone was off work, so it was a relaxing day.

Daily Update 3

Another day, another dollar.
I’m a bit tired. I am 4 hours into my shift, and it’s been quiet so far. The job I am on is sortation, where we sort out where in the warehouse items are going.

We don’t generate much work normally. The conveyor belt runs from our area, to the other side of the warehouse, where the items are actually stored. And a lot of the time that conveyor doesn’t work. So we have to move a lot of the stock around manually, on trolleys, to another part of the conveyor that does work. It is Labour intensive, so we have a group of 6-7 people working in our area on a normal day. So that if things go wrong, we can deal with it quickly.

Not every day is like that though. And today, the conveyor seems to be working okay. And we don’t have much work to sort through. So, it may be a long afternoon ahead. I hope we get some work in.

Daily Update 2

I am sore. I have sore legs, sore feet, sore hands, sore back, sore everything. It is so frustrating. I am going to need to phone the doctors, as I am so fed up.

I am writing this on my new phone, an iPhone 12 Pro Max. He is blue. It is so much faster than my old phone, an iPhone X. I have started using a lot more social media again. Not for anything in particular, just moan. Which is what I have done on the internet since I was able to get connected.

I am at work, and as normal, I have finished my lunch stupidly fast. Which is okay, I guess. I was hungry.

Daily Update

Is daily update the right name for this? I don’t really know. I am slowly getting used to using this app, especially with this new layout.

It is hard that we have to keep ourselves to ourselves still. All I do is hang around at home, with my parents. I feel like a child again, not in a good way. I do still work, which is good, because that means that I leave the house. Which was a nightmare last week with the snow. But that has all gone within the space of a few days.

I have been doing a lot of reading, which has been good. I have been getting stressed out a lot with the internet and things, so it’s nice to have something to focus on.

Good Morning, Good Morning

I am normally in work early, so I thought that writing could be a healthy part of my routine. Yes, I am starting a routine. I am determined to get my life together, so a routine was needed. My alarm goes off at 5.30am, so I give myself up to 15 minutes to get awake. A second alarm goes off at 5.45am, and that’s when I get up and go to the bathroom. After that, I wash my face, which helps wake me up. I have then started using a body lotion all over my body, which is not something I have done before. But my skin, is awful, especially on my legs, so I need to do something.

As a result, I feel really awake this morning. And, despite the coffee machine not working, I am ready for work. Which is something, because today is my Monday. The start of another week. Something that usually means I struggle in the morning. But maybe I have been missing a morning routine, something to help wake me up, and make me feel good about myself. Cause I do feel really positive. Which isn’t normal.

I am going to try and set up a plan for when I go home. Pick up some chips on the way home, have my dinner, then have a bath. I have bath salts to use, and I think even a half an hour soak, whilst listening to an audiobook, will be a great end to the day. Which will work, as long as I don’t sit down on the couch when I get home. Because I am on my feet all day, when I get a comfy seat, I normally, can’t be bothered moving again. Normally because I am too sore.

What the hell?

Okay? Livejournal has went all strange. I don’t like how this update is on the iPhone app. I know it’s supposed to be something that is more simple to use, but I don’t see why this is any easier than the old version. It’s kind of strange.

I don’t deal well with change, it’s always been something that I have pushed back against. I think, it’s because I am scared things will go wrong. So change has always brought up nervous feelings.

I am going to try and use this a bit. Hopefully this new set-up will be something I get used to.

Daily Post 41

I haven't posted here in over a month. 

A few hours since my last post, my Gran, who was in hospital died. It was truly devastating. She was aware of my mental health issues, but always said she was proud that I was able to hold down a job. Things like driving, were so difficult, I would get so stressed out during lessons. But when I passed my test, and got my first car, she made such a big deal. It felt like she was the only person who understood how hard it was to do some things. She understood when my parents didn't, that sometimes it life felt like a brick wall, squeezing the air out of you, taking your breath as well as your strength.

Over the last few years, I have lost a lot of friends and family. And it feels really bad to say that the death of my Gran felt worse, but it does. I am trying to do stuff to make 2020 better, but I keep hitting this road bump. She had this laugh, so loud, but so infectious, and it's heartbreaking to know I won't hear it again. 

My Gran very much believed about making your tomorrow better than yesterday. That, no matter how many times you are knocked down, you should get back up on that ladder again. So,with that in mind, I am trying to pull myself back up. Try to do more than I did in 2020. Read more books, write more, get absorbed in more TV shows, go for more walks, just live. I spent too much of last year doing nothing, just lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. 

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