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Welcome to the procastination station.

This blog has absorbed many hours of my time over the years, and yet I still struggle writing a proper intro. I mean, how is it possible to give a fitting introduction that entices people to read on. I'll just try and give a few vitals, and hope that is enough I guess. That sound okay? Cool.

I am Sue, live in Fife, Scotland. 30 year old arty dyke. I fangirl over bands and obsess over fictional characters. I write about what happens in my life, and general pondering about stuff that matters to me. Want to find out more, read away or click on the links below.

You can find me on   twitter: www.twitter.com/sueriotgraphics
                               Tumblr: www.sueriotgraphics.tumblr.com
                               LastFM: www.last.fm/user/sueriotgraphics
  Workie less personal blog: www.sueriotgraphics.wordpress.com



I go on holiday next week, and I am not organised. I am going to Budapest in Hungary for most of the week. It is a country I have never been to before, so that is pretty exciting. The only issue is that I lost my bank card, so have to go to the bank to get money out. This is an issue seeing as I work on Saturdays, and we are leaving on Sunday. So I am trying to get a holiday or authorised leave so I can go into town tomorrow afternoon. I need my manager to authorise it, and trying to find a manager is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. 

So I need to go, and get money. And then I can relax. I have lost so many bank cards in the last few months. It is frustrating. Oh well, it is easier that I am not going to be in the country whilst the card gets delivered. 

Ups and downs

Life is a strange one. Had so many bad things happen this year so far. I have lost 2 friends and my young cousin. It’s been a hard slog so far.

Today I found out I am going to be an Auntie. My brother and his girlfriend are having a baby. She already has 2 boys from a previous relationship, but i already think of them as my nephews. The new baby is going to be born in September and it’s quite exciting.

A Little Pooped

So the last few weeks has been a proper mix of things. My moods have been all over the place. It has made it really hard to get things done, because I don't want to accidentally 'nip' at someone, and then offend them. So, I have just been cutting myself off from people, and not contacting folk. 

It hasn't helped that I have had my last assesment for this part of my IT course, due today. I spent 6 hours on Tuesday, and then 3 hours yesterday, plodding my way through what I needed to do. It involved scientific notion and converting MAC codes into binary numbers. It was pretty taxing, but I did it. I think knowing that if i fail this part, then I don't move on to the next unit, really stressed me a bit. I haven't done anything to do with education in years, so I maybe i need some practice. 

I started Weight Watchers again, and am doing the online plan, cause i hate the idea of weighing myself in front of other people. I have been good, and been eating plenty of fruit and veg. But i snack really badly, normally, when I am watching TV at night. I am trying to say to myself that because I have my dinner late, between 7 and 8, I dont need anything else. It is hard though.

Still Here

I have been slogging away, which is difficult when you have no motivation to do anything other than watch TV. 

When I say TV, I mean either binging a Youtube channel, watching Awkward on Amazon Prime or Haiyku on Crunchyroll. The only thing I have been watching on actual TV has been Death in Paradise, which is really pathetic, but a much needed piece of escapism on a Thursday night. 

I have an assessment due in a few weeks for my IT course, and it is the last assessment of this unit. Which is quite scary. The good thing is that I am passing, and passing at about a B grade, which is great. And, it has kind of taken the pressure off a wee bit, cause I am not completely bombing, which is what I assumed I would do. 

They have just cancelled all the schools in Fife tomorrow, because of the bad weather warning. The snow, which hasn't really become anything where I live. I live too close to the water, so it has to be awful for us to have bad snow. It usually just rains, till you go 10 minutes inland and it then turns to snow. I have this dread that I am going to get up for work tomorrow, to get my bus at 6.15am, and find it icy and that there are no buses. 

I guess, I'll have to see what tomorrow brings.

Tired tired tired

I worked overtime today, and whilst I need the money, I am super sore. I did a lot of steps which was good.

Going to sleep now.


Back On The Horse

You can probably understand that I have been avoiding thinking too much, with what has been going on lately. There have been times, where I would have been completely happy just staying in my bed, and not speaking to a soul all day. But, as the main source of income in my house, that is not something I can afford to do. 

I have been trying to go easy on myself, try not to be too critical when it comes to not doing things. But that has a habit of making me find excuses for doing ANYTHING. So, I just sitting watching Friends on Netflix, or Life in Japan videos on Youtube. Yes. I want to visit Japan. I don't think it is something I will get to do soon, but I can still dream about it. 

As for today, I am tired and I need my bed. My head is sore, my ankle is sore and my back is sore. Planning on going home, getting fish and chips, and having a long lie down in front of the telly, and watch Death In Paradise. I just need to relax tonight, and hopefully I get a chance. If I don't fall asleep on the bus home. 


Eating too much

This is one of those rare years, where I have set up some resolutions.

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Fell Behind A Bit

2017 was a bit of a disaster, creative wise. I only posted 11 entries on here last year. (Oops!) And, whilst I have every intention to pull myself into gear in 2018, I'll be honest and say that the year has started off a little bit of a total cuntbag shitfest. 


Well, just before Christmas, my 11 year old (second??)cousin, Owen, was out playing with his friends, when he felt really sick. His dad, my first cousin, took him to the doctors, and some blood tests were done, then sent them home. A few days later, Owen was complaining of chest pains, and went back to the doctors, this time with his mum. The doctor phone for an ambulance, saying it looked like Owen was experiencing a heart attack. He was taken to the Queen Margaret in Dunfermline, where they got him stabilised before transferring him to the Sick Kids, in Edinburgh. They weren't able to bring him round, as his heart rate started dropping when they tried, so they transferred him again, this time to a more specialised unit in Glasgow. 

Glasgow is where he stayed. The doctors tried their hardest, and Owen kept on fighting. But on Hogmanay, he had a second heart attack, followed by a stroke. My dad got a call last night, saying that Dylan, my first cousin, and his wife, Angie, were advised about switching off the life support. Owen's organs were failing and he had substantial brain damage, from the stroke. Today at 5pm, the life support was switched off, and Owen died. 

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Hey Stranger

I feel like every time I come on here, it is only after I have been away for a long time. For years the internet was a place I came to de-stress and it feels like that has changed recently. As a long time internet user, I have always found it easier for my private life to be kept separate from my online one. 

As a person who uses primarily blogging type services, that sounds really weird. But, I have been able to rant freely, without the fear of things getting back to people. I mean, the reason I reverted to posting online, was so that I didn't feel like a burden to people around me. It's a bit like that idea of complaining about a situation, to someone outside that situation. They can be un-bias and simply listen. 

In fact, sometime, noone has to even read what I write. It is just me getting it out of my head, and the internet is pretty good at documenting things, so I can look back and see any progress. It is good for me, especially when I am having bad days, and I can look back to when I was lonely and how unhappy I was all the time. I am aware that I still have problems to overcome, but I am better than I was and that is comforting. 

What isn't comforting is my family, who just think 'growing up' is the answer to mental health issues, reading stuff and being rather dickish about it. Making me feel bad about myself, when I was already struggling. It would be okay, if reading what bothered me, helped them understand. But it doesn't. 

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