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Blue Monday

Just been hit with a wave of utter despair.

I was feeling iffy this morning, so I set an alarm to get up. Sounds silly but sometimes setting an alarm an hour or so after I wake up, pulls me out of bed easier. I got up and made myself strip my bed. When I am in one of these moods, it is easier to lie in bed and do nothing. I can't do that if my sheets are in the wash. So that's what I did. They are currently out on the line, drying very slowly.

I suddenly got very stressed. I passed my driving test 2 months ago and still haven't driven a car yet. It made me think how it was for my siblings. My brother was given a car by my dad. And my sister got to go half with my dads car. I am trying to save up for my own car, and no help. They won't even come shopping with me, to look at cars. It sounds completely stupid, but it's happened for years. I used to work for free at a Vets, because I needed experience. I worked there for years, and nothing was said. My sister did 2 weeks at a hairdressers for free, and both my mum and dad went mental. Going on about 'free labour' and such. It feels like I don't come up on their radar. Like when I tried to talk to them about feeling depressed or having problems with my anxiety, they don't even try to understand. I get told to 'grow up'. And it hurts.

I try to get away from the bad feelings and do things that lift me. And the best way is the gym. I started last year, and it has been a huge way for me to de-stress. It's like I can sweat out all the bad stuff and it makes me happier. For a while at least.

Have to be my own support system.

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sueriot
Sue Riot

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